Many people are frightened at our current financial crisis. Most have never seen things this bad before. Any problems that existed before the crisis are intensified now and the loss of a job or savings can feel like the final straw. I have empathy, because I too am feeling the crisis. But this is not the worst time I?ve ever gone through.

Before I became a psychotherapist almost thirty-nine years ago, I helped run my family?s construction business in New Jersey. We were quite successful until we ran into difficulties with unions and organized crime. They wanted control of our business and properties and we fought against them. They were very powerful and there was no real help to be had. We eventually lost everything. We lost our business, our homes - we lost everything. It was a very traumatic time in my life.

But it was also the time when I began to discover the direction for my life. The discovery came about through crisis, and through suffering and loss. I realized that other things besides financial survival were important to me, such as caring for my employees and their troubles. I found myself drawn to helping them. My employees were very loyal to me, and even though I was young they loved me and trusted me. Despite my very best efforts, my family, my employees - and I - all ultimately experienced a tremendous financial loss in our lives.

But out of that loss came so much that I?m living out to this day. It was the beginning of a complete change of life, a transforming experience. It left its scars and wounds, but at the same time it has led me to a life and a path I?m grateful to be on. I?m fulfilled by the work that I do. I feel very grateful to come from a background such as mine, to be able to help people today and offer them encouragement, hope and relief from their pain in ways that I could never have dreamed of then.

Tangibles vs. Intangibles

I believe many of us tend to put our faith and security in what we have and what we can see - our jobs, homes, and net worth. A good job, a beautiful home, and money in the bank are all nice things. But placing our faith in them is an illusion because they are not where real security lies. They?re not where we?re going to find fulfillment or control, because material things come and go. It?s traumatic to see many of the things we?ve gained security from now disappearing. While we need to pay attention to financial realities and make careful plans, if we place too much emphasis on tangible things we?re going to miss out on something more important, and that?s the intangibles.

Intangibles are things like our happiness, our fulfillment, and our purpose in life. No matter what the numbers say, or how bleak things look, I believe there?s always hope. But if we put our hope in the wrong things, we?re going to feel crushed, discouraged and despairing when crises and reversals occur. We need to look beyond the tangibles. We need to live each day to its fullest, giving it our best shot, without worrying. Then, whatever tomorrow brings, we must trust that there will be answers for those challenges as they arise.

Right now is the perfect time to become aware that living in fear doesn?t work.

If we tend to fixate on the tangibles, we?re going to start worrying and get scared. We?re going to start anticipating the worst. We?re going to start living in fear of what?s going to happen next week, or next month, or next year. Right now is a perfect time to become aware that living in fear doesn?t work. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. I encourage you to embrace each day, to work as hard as you can, and to put your energy into what you feel is your calling in life. And I suggest that if you don?t know what your calling is, it?s time to find out.

It?s also time to set your priorities right - on your health, your family, on love and compassion, on wisdom, and on faith and trust in God. God is precious to me and in times like these I cling to Him. I study the very human and flawed lives portrayed in the Bible to learn the lessons God has for me. I find that a careful balance of tangibles and intangibles provides a foundation that?s hopeful and realistic. If we live by budgets and the numbers on a computer screen, our lives will either unravel when the numbers don?t add up, or float on top of the world when we get ahead. Neither scenario is real or true. This has been my experience, and the experience of the thousands of people I?ve helped.

Pride - Our Dark Side

I have had problems with pride in my life. Pride is an ego state, a defense - and a strong one. Pride distances us from others; it makes it difficult for us to feel compassion or empathy for those who may not be doing as well as we are. It cuts us off from other people?s suffering and pain and makes us feel like we?re removed and so much better than they are, when that?s a complete illusion. Pride is dangerous. When I see pride in myself, or when people point it out to me, I make every effort to do a quick job of turning it around.

The fall from pride can be very hard, very humbling, and very painful. There are certain kinds of pain in life that we can?t avoid and there are others that have to do with our choices. I really believe that we have choices. I choose to let go of pride and I encourage others to make the same choice - you will become more real and human and accepting of who you really are. Wealth, a nice car, a big house, or a good job can enable people to stay behind the walls of pride. Now those walls are coming down on a massive scale.

The fall of pride during this crisis can lead to something more real and valuable. Even now I see people in the community opening up to each other, reaching out to those who are struggling. This is a time to feel compassion. It?s a time to understand and help each other. It?s a time to open doors that we wouldn?t normally bother opening. I think we?ve all been very separated because of our pride, because of our busy lives, and through our self-involvement. I think that?s been a real handicap and a loss. I?ve certainly suffered from that myself. But leave it to a crisis - any crisis - to break those walls down, blow them apart, and then doors can open to a whole new life. We can find many good, caring people, ready to help, and who aren?t really looking for anything in return. And they have needs that we can meet as well. We are no longer alone.

The fall of pride during this crisis can lead to something more real and valuable . . . compassion.

Is Being Competitive a Problem?

There are different kinds of competition. Not all competition is bad, just like not all stress is bad. Some stress motivates us and we do better under it - just like the stress of a physical workout, meeting a deadline, or writing a paper or book that we might not have accomplished otherwise. I definitely don?t see all competition as bad, in fact I see myself as very competitive in certain ways.

There is a way to transform our aggressiveness into a competitiveness that?s healthy, functional, and assertive.

But there?s also a destructive competitiveness, which has to do with hurting people and getting ahead at another?s expense. That kind of competition is not good at all. I see it as negative and dark; I see it as uncaring, cold, self-centered, and childish. There is a way to transform our aggressiveness into a competitiveness that?s healthy, functional, and assertive. That positive kind of competitiveness is wonderful and we all need some of it.

But our motives can get corrupted at times. We can all lose our way and then we need to get back to what?s healthy, right, and good. Of course it?s all right to get ahead - but not at the cost of other people?s welfare and well-being.

The worst kind of competition is based on pride. It?s also based on a very dark nature of the human spirit. Prideful competition can lead to nothing but pain, discouragement, and despair. Positive competition, though, can enable us to be constructive and effective. It can lift us from defeat to find strength, courage, hope, and creativity. With it we can learn new ways to overcome barriers and challenges that we would never have discovered by living in a passive state.

Crisis as Opportunity in My Work

When crises come, and the barriers and walls come down, we can relate to each other?s struggles. We can reach out for help. Now is a critical time to do this, and I think it?s going to become even more critical in the near future. Beginning to ask for help is a good thing, even though it?s coming through pain and suffering and trauma.

The Bernstein Institute helps people in pain and crisis transform their lives. We help them see that crisis is an opportunity for change and that they can have hope. They can find relief from their pain. They don?t need to live in discouragement and despair. It?s hard for people to believe this until their traumatic emotions get cleared up, and that?s what we do at my Institute.

The Bernstein Institute helps people in pain and crisis transform their lives. Here, we see crisis and trauma as an opportunity for transformation, for embracing wisdom, love, and appreciation. It?s an opportunity to change our lives for the better. I know not everyone sees life in this way and that?s unfortunate. Every day people come to the Institute discouraged, despairing, and overwhelmed, feeling the effects of crisis and trauma and pain. Afterward, we see them leave with the burdens of the world lifted off their shoulders, looking younger, healthier, more hopeful and encouraged. They begin to understand that whatever their problems are, however hopeless or impossible things might seem, they can have an ability to deal with them.

What You Can Do

As you, your friends, and your family face these hard times, I offer the following suggestions to guide and encourage you. These principles, in addition to taking life just one day at a time, have been of great value to me.

1. Refuse to Take On the Spirit of Fear
   The spirit of fear is present on a massive level. It is essential that you not allow the spirit of fear to overpower you. You must try to rise above it.
2. Deal With Reality
   It?s important to face your reality; don?t bury your head in the sand. Look at the hard facts of your financial situation, as painful and traumatic as they may be. You may be facing the loss of your job or your retirement savings. The things you based your security on may be gone now.
3. - But Recognize that Facts Aren?t the Complete Reality
   Don?t let facts be the complete reality that determines whether you?re happy or sad, fulfilled or miserable. The facts and numbers may hurt. People are losing homes, and other things that were precious to them. But take a look at the non-tangibles as well. Leave the tangibles and the number-crunching up to bookkeepers and CPA?s. Don?t forget that there?s so much beyond that.
4. Don?t Let Your Emotions Dictate Your Perspective
   Don?t let your emotions dictate your perspective; don?t let your history determine your future. Don?t get fixated on what?s been taken away or what?s lost. Be aware of it, deal with it, and shift your perspective as quickly as you can.
5. Appreciate What You Have
   If you have your health and a loving family, the things that really matter, then embrace and appreciate them. They are our true gifts. Appreciate what you have, what you?ve been given, and how good things have been. Make a list of the ways you?ve been taken care of. Recognize the ways your life has been rich and full.
6. Examine Your Spiritual Life
   This is a good time for you to consider where you are with your spirituality. Is this an area you?ve neglected, or that you?ve used as an escape? Look to your church or synagogue, or to the people you call spiritual to guide you. Work towards finding the balance between trust and faith in God?s provision and taking the responsibility to do your part.
7. Reach Out to Others
   You are not alone. Many people are experiencing what you are, and far worse. If you haven?t been charitable, this is a really good time to start because so many are in need. If you don?t have money to give, then give of your time and yourself.
8. Look for Opportunities
   Now is a good opportunity to look at some of the things that you may have been distracted from. Is it time to develop a different career, to improve your relationships, or to grow personally in new ways? What about your life needs to change?
9. Find Help
   Examine your emotional life. If wounds and scars from your past are distorting your life now with fear, this is a good time to get help. There?s help out there for you. Come to the Bernstein Institute. Our motto is, ?We have serious solutions for serious problems?. At our Institute we help many people work through their emotional burdens, pain, and traumas, and find relief. Your problems may be complex, but nothing we deal with is impossible. We?re a witness to many lives filled with seemingly impossible problems, where there seems to be no hope, and yet we are able to help many people find a whole new life. My staff and I are very grateful to have this calling in our lives.
10. Don?t Give Up
    Let me encourage you - hang in there. Don?t let your finances determine your future. Remember that there?s far more to life than that. Through all that we are going through, I believe there?s going to be something that comes out of this for good.