Today I’m going to wrap up my on-going, forced-move story about the Morrows and the Bodens – and my illustration of stress and trauma and the differences between them. As promised, I’m returning to the list of ten suggestions I offered last week for preventing unavoidable stress from turning into avoidable trauma. I’ll flesh out these ideas for you and explain how to get very practical in your application of them. Using this ten-step action plan can help you navigate through these stressful times with more resiliency and achieve more success with your efforts. They’ve worked for me, they’ve worked for my patients, and I’m betting that they’ll work for you, too.
1. Slow down, don’t panic
In a difficult, stressful, or traumatic situation, the first thing to do – always – is to slow down. Racing thoughts and a racing heartbeat can speed you across the finish line into panic, where nothing constructive can take place. None of the steps that follow this one will help you if you panic. Slowing down to find some calm in your storm is absolutely essential to prevent unavoidable difficulties from turning into avoidable trauma.
2. Remember you’re not alone
After panic, the second-greatest threat to successfully coping with stress is self-deception. Believing you are the only person experiencing distress leads to believing there is something wrong with you, that what’s happening to you is somehow your fault and you deserve it. On the contrary. You are not alone. Many, many people today are struggling and suffering with problems similar to yours.
3. Think through your options
When you steer clear of panic and self-condemnation, you will be able to think clearly. You’ll be able to use your rational, creative abilities to identify good ways to respond to problems and crises, rather that reacting impulsively and thoughtlessly. You’ll recognize the best choices for how to deal with the situation in front of you, and come up with a plan of action for moving forward in a positive way.
4. Ask for help, don’t isolate yourself
Along with panic and self-deception, isolation is your enemy in the war on trauma. Alone, our energy and personal resources are limited. When we reach out to others – family, friends, loved ones – we gain strength and valuable perspectives unavailable to us on our own. I can’t emphasize this enough; reach out and share your burdens. Let people help you.
5. Take good care of yourself physically and emotionally
Wars can be fought with exhausted troops, but victory is more sure when warriors are rested, well-fed, and in good physical condition. You may not think you have time to take care of yourself physically and emotionally when you’re battling stress, but letting yourself get run down will cost more time and trouble in the long run. Make self-care a high priority.
6. Don’t blame yourself for things beyond your control
You are human. Let me say that again: You are human. You are not perfect, and are not supposed to be. There are things beyond your control, beyond any one person’s control. You may have gotten behind on your mortgage payments, but our enormous financial downturn – which no one could have fully anticipated – is not your fault. Take responsibility for your part, and let the rest go. Guilt and blame will drain your spirit and keep you stuck and traumatized.
7. Reduce the pressure on yourself in every way possible
Get very clear on what is essential to deal with in the present, and leave everything else alone. Simplify your priorities and commitments. Examine your “rules” – such as “I have to pay all my bills on time, no matter what”, or “I’ve got to always keep my house clean and organized”, or something else from your own personal list. What truly matters right now? Choose taking care of the people you love (including yourself, see #5), over taking care of things every time you can.
8. Keep your perspective
Our Great Recession has been going on for so long it can be hard to remember when times weren’t tight and difficult. Hard times are here for now and for the near future, but better days will return. When they do, we won’t be the same people we were before. We have the opportunity to grow from our experiences, or become devastated by them. It’s your choice. Look forward.
9. Look for ways to help others, give back to those who’ve helped you
The quickest way I know to move out of a fog of discouragement is to lift my head and look for someone else who’s hurting too. Mobilizing ourselves to help others can give us the energy to not only make a difference in their lives, but in our own, as well. Being able to give fellow sufferers support and encouragement (and a helping hand to move furniture or make a meal) gives meaning and purpose to these dark, distressing times.
10. Don’t lose hope
Never, ever give up. If you lose heart and collapse, get back up again. Accepting defeat is never the answer. Remember the hard times you’ve been through before and believe that you can survive this one, as well – even if this time is the hardest time yet. Surrender the things it’s time to let go of, and fight to the end to save the things that really matter. Feed your spirit and keep hope alive.
As I said last week, these ten steps are fairly simple, but I know personally that they are not easy. Some of them can, in fact, be very challenging to conquer. But they’re worth the attempt. Like all of life’s “basics”, these ideas are worth studying, putting into action as best you can, and then coming back to think about some more. I wish you much success as we journey together through the challenging days to come.